Awesome Mixed with Not-So Awesome

Awesome Mixed with Not-So Awesome
The Loves of My Life

So as I try to figure out how to put into words what is happening now I am searching for the right words.  The words that are wrapped in gratitude.  The ones that don’t make me sound like a victim.  I had the wonderful pleasure of having my daughter come visit and spend time with her.  Always saying goodbye is hard.  This time was so much harder.

Can’t wait to see her again.

In the mean time I can’t get my fever under control.  It spikes, then Tylenol brings it down then I feel like a hostage because I wonder if grabbing a burger at Shake Shack is what caused the fever….I want to tell the docs all about it (and I have just waiting for their next steps while I type this)  but there is a HUGE fear that they will tell me that to have problems this early on will mean I can’t go through with the stem cell transplant.

You see no matter how positive I have grown to be in my life there is still that small voice of doubt in the back corner I want to ignore but listen to anyway.  We shall see where this leads.  Right now I wait.  I wait for the Nurse Practitioners to call as that was the response.  We will call you in a bit.  I appreciate so much that they read the emails and answer quickly.  I appreciate even more that her answer was not one of get to the ER immediately.

They have seen it all.  Its new to me.  My word this year has been trust, I am trusting the process and these people with my future, with my health and with my life.  Its not a small trust. It feels exactly as huge as it is.

I will post more when I know my next steps.  Thanks for the continued support all!

Update: Went to hospital this afternoon. lots more blood,swab and other types of tests.  They cant seem to understand the fever either but to them a fever starts at 100.4 so until I hit there I should chill (no pun intended).  Back home in this amazing condo.  sitting close on the couch with my favorite man watching the Olympics unfold as great mind diversion.

Feeling better in both physically and mentally.  Time, sleep and love heals a whole lot.  Thanks all!

17 comments

You keep combatting those worrisome thoughts with all that Betsy glow you hold inside.
I’m so sorry it’s such a frightening process and you’re hurting, but you got this, mama! Thanks for keeping us in the loop. 🧡💜🧡

I can’t even imagine what you are going through, but what I do know is that you are one strong woman. Push that doubt away and hold tight to your faith. You got this! Continued prayers coming your way.

Prayers, prayers and more prayers, that this fever breaks and goes away. And you continue to move forward with this journey. Nothing but love and hugs being sent your way. Stay positive!! 😍😍

I love you lots and you got this!! You are one of the strongest women I know 🤗💜 I will keep saying lots and lots of prayers for you.

Oh yes! The Olympics! Juat watch them and know they’ve all had crazy struggles to where they are.

Your struggles wlll pay you many dividends.

Struggles suck! But they’re necessary. You’re body is so tough , been through so much it’s fighting. It’s not wanting change. Your body needs to chill and let it happen.

Prayers that your body relaxes.

That’s my theory.

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